Smile

Seeing those familiar creases at the corner of your eyes.
Hearing the comfortable sound of your laughter.
Suddenly, ‘missing you‘ is brought to a whole new level.

And for one moment, I am definitely a lucky soul.

I’m scared.

Stop breathing.
‘…and that will come soon.’

It feels scary and real. That ‘soon‘ is suddenly too soon. And suddenly the pounding I hear in my ear as it presses itself against the pillow sounded precious; so is the coarse sound of my breathing. It feels strange, feeling your own impending expiry. But more scary than strange.

And I think of you. Of the mornings and the nights. Of the playful mess and the fights. And I miss you; have never stopped missing you.

Maybe it’s another false alarm. Maybe it’s not. Either way, I’m scared. I’m scared today.

Fatality

Will this be a sign for a fatality to come?
Maybe.

Be fatal, if there is a next time.
Please.
Take me home. Take me away.
So that, maybe, from the realm of the dead, I’d glimpse your familiar smile again.
Please, please, die already. Please.

Because to die, is probably more alive than living now.

The fool

As stupid as it might seem,
I’d wish upon the stars and the sun and the mountains and the seas.
To look over you.
To look after you.

When the moon smiles weakly at me, I’d pray.
For you to stay sane.
That maybe, you’d be safe.
So as stupid it might seem, then stupid I will be.

I’m your fool

The walls reverberate with the piercing silence.
The markets and the coffee and the food and the world grow cold.
Because all are monochrome.

The winds break that silence.
The stars and the moon and the bats, they sing me colourful lullabies of you.
But the world, oh, my world, it remains colourless, singing without you.

Sorry, A.

There were days when you appeared in my thoughts, but reaching out is not exactly an option.
Because the remnants of what used to be a heart isn’t ready for those names that are bound to be mentioned.
Betrayal, it took place on too many different levels and in multiple directions.
It no longer feel safe to speak.

I’m sorry. I wish I could tell you how my darkness needs to shun away from your light.
But because I can’t, so please, figure it out somehow.
I’m sorry.