Sorry, A.

There were days when you appeared in my thoughts, but reaching out is not exactly an option.
Because the remnants of what used to be a heart isn’t ready for those names that are bound to be mentioned.
Betrayal, it took place on too many different levels and in multiple directions.
It no longer feel safe to speak.

I’m sorry. I wish I could tell you how my darkness needs to shun away from your light.
But because I can’t, so please, figure it out somehow.
I’m sorry.

How brave, is brave?

Be brave? In what sense?
Be brave to live? Or be brave to die?
Be brave? Be brave.

Tide me over. Tonight, tomorrow, and the days and nights to come.
Because it kills, but I’m not dying.
Because it hurts, but I’m not expiring.
Blunt, blunt, blunt..

So tide me over; tonight, tomorrow, and the days and nights to come.
Till I have enough courage for something heavier.
Till then, help me numb, and tide me over.

Get no sanctuary when my eyes close,
Get no sanctuary at all.

“And if I only have the words to describe how disappointed in you I am at this moment.” – Elementary


The walks and the parks.
蓝 and the pillion.
The cappuccinos and the Devondale chocolate milk.
And all the dinners on the floor.

The single isn’t too small and one is good for two.
Side-by-side isn’t too warm but always just nice and cosy.
Just because. And because.



Don a uniform and bear the responsibilities.
Of living and of death.
Everyone sees. Everyone knows.

But many of us, we don an invisible uniform.
One that spells depression and anxiety.
One that tattoos into your blood and mind.
One that people would never understand and only judge.

Because there would be murmurs and rumours of our abominable deeds.
Of us in the dark; from you in the light.
But we don, we don, an invisible uniform.
And that uniform, it spells silence.

And I wished, I wish to see you in your uniform.

Single bed and you.

The 多五分钟s and never waking up.
The dramatic sleeping poses that always make me laugh.
The late nights and late mornings.
And the faithful robots and jackets staring.

It was cold, but always just nice.
It was warm, but always just right.